April 15th

Well, today is April 15th. This day has many meanings for us right now. Most see it as tax day - which reminds us that next year at this time, we get to claim two extra deductions! But for us, today is sort of bittersweet. April 15th was the original due date for the twins - so they are officially full term today. They are also 4 weeks old today, which is just impossible to believe. But one year ago today, we had a miscarriage. I remember the emotional roller coaster were on at that time. We had just found out we were pregnant about 5 weeks or so prior, and had just told our family by giving them Easter eggs with pacifiers and booties in them, and had just begun to accept the fact that, after 3 years of complications and trying, we were finally pregnant. In fact, we had just bought a pack of diapers the night before. Carrie was following a website which said how big the fetus was each week, and at the time of the miscarriage, it was the size of bean. I was calling it lil' bean whenever I asked Carrie how she was feeling.
After learning about the miscarriage the next day, we began to feel like we were never going to get pregnant. We went through a bit of a depression for a month or so, trying to cope with the loss of the baby we didn't get to meet. Carrie bought a memories bracelet, and had the inscription read "Lil' Bean".
Now, a year later, we are doubly blessed with our beautiful twins. As my sister said, God gave us one baby for this pregnancy, and one for the one we lost. Finding out that our due date for the twins was the same day as our miscarriage was odd. It did emphasis to us that God does everything for a reason. If we didn't have the miscarriage, we never would have had the twins. It is with keeping this in mind that we remember that we need to put our trust in God, and know that he has a plan. Lil' Bean is in heaven watching over the twins, and some day we will get to meet the child that God called home before we had a chance to know him/her.

RIP Lil' Bean